Goodbye

Surrendered 4/11/14

Biscuit

Re-homed 2/17/14

Dear Cookie,

Please forgive us. We're so sorry, it's all our fault. We want to blame other things - your mom for attacking the litter, forcing her owners to give you and the others away at only 4-weeks...or the neighborhood boy who tried to teach you and Biscuit to fight each other when we weren't watching. We want to say that your behavior had nothing to do with us...but of course it did. We picked you like you were a toy on a shelf, we kept you even when we knew something was wrong, and then we gave you up when no one else would take you. We're so sorry. We should have met you first, should have said hello, and then said goodbye instead of taking you home. 

You were always a good boy, never ever a bad dog. You belonged in a quiet home with less bustle, with people who would have made you feel safe and special. Here, you were the fourth addition and at the bottom of a tall totem pole. You needed more than we could give you.

It's my fault you weren't re-homed in February. There was a couple that wanted you but I gave them Biscuit instead...because I'm the one who couldn't let you go. I knew she'd be resilient enough to handle the change, but I believed you were better off with us than anyone else. I know now that I was selfish, and that the couple who wanted you would have been the perfect fit. You had a chance in February, but I kept you...and then I gave you up when no one else would take you anymore. I'm so sorry...it's all my fault.

  

***

Our dog was a red heeler/pitbull mix. We called him a Red Bull :) At 5-months he was almost 60 lbs. His size confused everyone, including the dog trainer we had been working with. In fact, he thought he might have some great dane in him because his ears were big and floppy but they also stood straight up at times. He was quiet, hardly ever barked, and was obedient. We used to joke about how he was cute but dumb...because it took him a lot longer than his sister to pick up on new tricks. Eventually he'd learn from her example that the trick led to the treat! 

After about two months, he started becoming possessive of Tim. All Tim's attention had to be his, and if Biscuit tried to intervene, he would growl and nip at her. We, stupidly, thought it was adorable. We thought it was just a quirk in his personality and that he really loved his human. It wasn't long before he became possessive of the whole family, and the cuteness turned scary. If Biscuit tried to approach us, Cookie would attack her. If we tried to approach Biscuit, Cookie would attack her. We had tried working with them ourselves before finally consulting a handful of trainers...all of whom suggested re-homing him to a family with no other pets. Instead, we re-homed her and put him in a training class. 

He did well in the class, enjoyed the socialization...until one day where his behavior was so aggressive that the trainer had to alpha roll him to get him to stop. Apparently he was extremely nervous and intimidated in the beginning of class, and towards the end he was barking and lunging at the other dogs. It might have been because Tim had taken him that day for the first time, and the change was too startling for him...or maybe he was just super tired? No one knew. 

At home he was unpredictable. Sometimes he was fun and playful, other times he would lash out at the kids for no apparent reason. At first we knew it was resource guarding... If a child tried to take a toy from him while he was playing with it, he would growl and become defensive. But then he started guarding things that weren't ever his, like the remote control or a dust bunny on the floor...and eventually guarding absolutely nothing. He would try to attack if a child simply walked near him, and usually this child was our youngest, Lincoln. 

There were never any injuries. However, during that last incident, I had realized that he was treating Linky the same way he treated Biscuit. He stopped what he was doing, stared at him intently, and then lunged. When I noticed him staring, I put my hand on his collar...and before I even saw anything, I heard him choke on his collar because he had lunged so forcefully. 

And that was it. He spent the next two days outside until we surrendered him to the only place that would take him - the humane society. 

Even though we did what we had to do, we're still sad and grieving. It's become this unspoken rule that no one talks about Cookie anymore. We cleaned up the yard and moved his dog house out of view, packed up his toys and folded his blanket away, took the crate down and stored it in the garage, and wiped the paw prints off the patio door. We tried to erase him from our lives in an attempt to feel normal...but I can still smell him on our comforter and on the couch cushions, and I can't stop looking at his pictures. I feel like I've been crying for weeks...and I think it's because I've known, for a while now, that it would come to this.

We're so sorry, Cookie. You're a good boy. We love you. 

Lincoln Turns 1!

December 28, 2013 - a perfect day for a birthday...in spite of his cold, cough, and ear infection in both ears! He may have been snotty and a little droopy-eyed, but he still enjoyed his special day. And, of course, his cake!

Happy Birthday, Lincoln :)

Cookie and Biscuit

Born October 26, 2013 to a red heeler mom and pitbull dad. He jumped the fence one day and the two ended up with a litter of Red Bulls! They came from a family friend that Tim knew from Willcox. When Tim saw a picture she had posted online of Cookie, the pup that reminded him of cookies n' cream, he was smitten. His response to said picture was, "let me talk to Anna!" Then we found out that Cookie had a strong bond with the runt of the litter, a girl that was brown and white. We figured, if one is named Cookie, the other might as well be named Biscuit! And with that, we took them both. We brought them home when they were only 4-weeks-old (and yes, fully weaned).
Cookie took to Tim right away, as if he knew Tim had chosen him. Cookie is, without a doubt, Tim's dog. When he sees him sit in his chair on the patio, he races to his lap...and growls, scowls, nips and barks at his sister if she tries to share his affections. It's the funniest thing.
When it's just me outside, on the other hand, Biscuit will race to my lap...while Cookie patiently waits his turn to be loved. As soon as I put her down, he trots over to me and puts his paws on my lap.
They both have their own distinct personalities, and sometimes they remind Tim and me of Aislin and Des. They play, fight, bicker, and whine like brother and sister, like children. And they're absolutely precious.
We love them, and they're very much a part of our family :)

So alert!

He may be the bigger of the two, but he's a total softy :)

 8-weeks-old in this pic.

Cookie was a whopping 15 lbs and Biscuit a petite 10 lbs!

Home is where the "S" is

This house is a paradox: it’s both the kind of house we said we’d never want and the kind of house we thought we could never find. It’s old, which means we’ve inherited the problems left behind by its previous owners; but it’s also big with LOTS of space outside. These days it seems the bigger and newer the house, the smaller the yard…but the older and uglier the house, the bigger the yard! Finding that middle ground is nearly impossible. When we first saw this house, though, we saw a home that was meant for a family. And when I looked out the sliding door to the backyard, I nearly drooled. 

Just to give you an idea of why the yard was so important… When we lived in Everett, WA, our yard was considered a good size by other homeowners…even though you could hardly call it a yard. It was so small that it took a good five minutes to mow. We had talked about pouring cement over it.  

Now we have so much space that we decided to take on two puppies (details to follow)! And our kids have probably played outside more than they had the whole time we lived in Washington. What’s funny is that Aislin still talks about Everett, and misses it. She seems to have made a place for it in her heart when I wasn’t looking… We’ve talked about the blessings of our new home and our life here in Arizona, but who knows…she may find her way back to Washington some day :)

This is what happens when I ask this child to smile :-P

Like I said, this house certainly has its problems...but for every face-palming issue we've encountered, something wonderful has stepped in to maintain the balance. A blessing for every blight. I won't list the latter - that's just depressing - but I'd like to list as many blessings as I can think of!

The location. The house is at the end of a cul-de-sac, and you can see the steeple of our church house from the patio door. 

The neighbors. They include a couple families from our ward and two families with little kids. One of those kids is even in Aislin's kindergarten class! They play together almost every day, riding their bikes and hopping from one house to the next. They may not know it, but they sure are living the life!

The space. I've talked about the yard, but it's not your typical step-out-the-backdoor-and-see-a-square-lawn type of yard. When you step outside, the first thing you see is the pool. The patio runs the length of the pool area, and at the end of it is where Tim and I like to sit and play with our pups.

This is also where Desmond likes to ride his bike!

To your right is a big dirt area (where a previous owner had intended to lay grass) and then a paved area with a fire pit. 

My model, Biscuit, displaying one of the many uses of this part of the yard.

To your left is the lawn with another paved area beside it.   

Tim and I are terrible at taking care of grass...

And yes, Cookie, the black dog sniffing the ground along the wall, pooped soon after.

A board is propped up against the gate because Biscuit is still small enough to squeeze herself through the gap! 

Here's a brief tour of the inside of the house...

Yes, I cleaned just for the picture because, no, it doesn't usually look like this!

My baby model smiling for the camera :)

And the door on the right leads to the kitchen.

The Playroom (formerly known as the Family Room)

The purple chalkboard to the left is the back of the kitchen counter.

Office/Music Room

I plan on putting a small shelf for my sheet music next to my violin...hence the awkward gap on the wall ;)

One of my favorite parts of the house.

Every time I walk down the hallway, I see these beautiful pictures :)

We love this house and we're grateful for it. The home repairs we've made so far have been a learning experience, one I wasn't so appreciative of at first, I'll admit; but I've realized that owning this house now and in the years to come is all part of the experience. It seems those home repairs are just a crumb of the whole.

Love.

Family Visit to AZ - Take 1!

I don’t know what it is with us and having family visit just as we’re about to MOVE! (We bought a house just down the road, and the details shall follow soon!)
The weekend before we moved, my family and Gurpie came to visit for a few days. It was in the beginning of September, which means they got to experience Arizona’s grand 100+ degree weather! My mom did not leave our house. Once she had gotten into our air-conditioned home, she was more than happy to stay there…with the excuse of watching Linky for us ;) She was willing to brave the heat just once – the day they all decided it was time to buy gifts for their WA peeps.
My dad was more than happy to see the sights…in the first 24 hours; and AJ and Gurp were more than happy to sleep :)

Towards the end of their visit, there wasn’t much else to do because summer in AZ is like winter everywhere else – we all stay indoors, avoid the adverse weather conditions, and run from our cars to the inside of the store when we have to go somewhere! Also, Tim and I were busy closing on the house and getting it ready for our moving day.
Still, it was a fantastic time with my family. The nine of us cozied up in a 1400 sf rental, enjoyed Mom and Dad’s wonderful cooking, survived the shrieks and whines of the children, and even battled a certain critter than rhymes with “sockpoach.” Fun times ;)

Who says a Filipino feast can't begin at 9 p.m.??

Of course, there was swimming ;) What a good tito!

The Brown Duo doing their thang!

"My Indian Name is 'Runs With Beer'"

Dad being Dad :-P

Grandma and Linc :)

One would know how much they’d been missed, and how much they would be missed, by Aislin’s reaction at the airport. She knows what airports are about…so when we pulled up to the loading zone and got out of the car to say our goodbyes, Aislin wrapped her arms around my leg and would hardly budge towards her grandpa. She knew that if she gave him a hug, she would burst into tears. Then, as we drove back home, we both sobbed as quietly as we could.
Of course this won’t be their last visit to AZ, and we’re planning on making a trip up to WA next Christmas…so hopefully we won’t go more than a year without seeing each other. It’s my first time living in a different state, and with kiddos who love their grandparents and uncle so much…but it’s a life experience, and I’m grateful for it.

Let the countdown to visit #2 begin!