"Baptism"

I found this piece of writing the other night in an old composition notebook. I was surprised when I read it. I could remember the night I was baptized on Feb 9, 2008...but I had already forgotten the details. So after feeling surprised, I just felt thankful that these words were written down and never thrown away :)

"Baptism"

The water feels warm. I remember the missionaries saying they would try to heat it before I got in, and I'm thankful for that. Maybe this water has been sitting, heating, waiting for me to go in, and maybe it's just been a busy morning and others have kept it warm for me.

Paper and skirts rustle on the other side of the font as people inch forward in their seats and crane to the side, all hoping to get a memorable view. They're whispering, preparing themselves and each other for the coming words, a man's voice--my husband's--and his uplifted hand. All I see is the water and the white of my clothes. My husband's hand on the middle of my back is secure. I might have felt scared and alone without it there, but it's as steady as when we hold hands. He begins to speak and his voice trembles. Veterans of the Church would say he "feels the Spirit strongly," but I'm still new to the word "Spirit." I'm still new to what I feel. It shocks me to hear his voice tremble.

I clamp my nose between my fingers and look up at him for a moment, a confirmation, before he pulls me backwards into the water. I feel weightless, surprised to feel my feet float off the floor. The light I see through my eyelids reminds me of the sun. For an instant, I am a child again floating in the pool of an apartment my family and I had lived in. I am a child in the water doing nothing more than bobbing up and down and splashing around, but I am full of joy and life.

I open my eyes and feel the floor under my feet again. It's time to move forward, to leave the water and climb the steps out of the font. I feel something, in fact I'm brimming with it. So when my husband says, "I love you," I say nothing more than, "Thank you." I am full of thanks for what I've been given.

I step into the changing room, my wet feet slapping against the tile floor, dripping in a white outfit I would rather not part with. My arms are cold now but the clothes are still warm against my body. I realize then that I'm overwhelmed by the small task of drying off, so I work slowly--drying my hair, stepping into nylons while tiptoeing around the puddles I've made. Then, finally, I open the door.

I find the sister missionaries on the other side. "How do you feel?" one asks. "Do you feel different?" asks the other. I look at them and feel relieved, thankful to talk to them before returning to the busy room with an audience. I nod and say that I feel wonderful, which is to say that I feel no different from how I've felt in the last few months. They nod with understanding and give me a hug, a gesture of encouragement during what seems like an intermission, a push out the door to help me finish what I started. In that doorway within the dim and quiet hallway, we are friends.

The night is long, it is almost over. I sense everyone's weariness. The program says now is the time for the bearing of testimonies--most importantly, most expectantly, mine. But I do not stand up. I sit uncomfortably, embarrassed and ashamed. I'm too afraid to speak. So the bishop stands and wraps up the ceremony, and the night ends with hand shakes and congratulations.
In later years, I will look back at this moment--this brief but astounding moment--and wish I had said something.

I am a newborn in the Church, eyes still wide, a voice without words. I hold a testimony in my heart but it's one that I fear is too simple for most adults. I feel silly at the thought of bearing it. Childish. Ineloquent. Still, I know the Church is true and that the gospel is a real thing, not just a philosophy or a suggestion. I know these things are good and of God, and that following commandments in faith leads to unexplainable blessings. I could cry knowing in what ways I have been blessed.
I am grateful.
These things I leave with you in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

Happy Halloween...Clothes!

I never buy seasonal clothes. I figure, if my kids can't wear long-sleeved Halloween clothes when it's still cold in April...or May through July...then we're not buying them! But this year, upon seeing a sign that read "40% off" above a rack of toddler Halloween clothes, I decided to give in. And I'll admit, I've always wanted Halloween clothes growing up and I wanted them for my kids since they were babies...so dressing my kids in their adorable skeleton clothes brought as much joy to my heart as it did theirs :)

And yes, I'm fully aware of how weird my son is :D

Lovely Day for a Picnic

...at the Seattle Temple :)

Before we left the house, I talked to the kids about where we were going and how we behave at the temple. I figured, since today was our "scripture study" day on our home preschool schedule, we ought to have the lesson before heading to the temple. So we talked about Joseph Smith and the first vision from Book of Mormon Stories, and then Aislin said a prayer for us to be safe on the road and for her and her brother to be well-behaved. (Can you tell there's been some fighting among the siblings lately?)

And then we were off!

It was the perfect day to eat outside, but only because we were sitting next to the fountain and it totally kept us cool :)

The kids loved it. I think it was the first time they had been at the temple together. They were happy and very well-behaved :) They were in such a great spirits that they agreed to pose for a ton of pictures!

Among my favorites:

Love.

Thank you, little ones, for a fun afternoon. I'm glad we could go to the temple together and enjoy the grounds, and I'm glad you recognized the beauty and special-ness of the place. You understood me when I said, "You can really feel the Spirit here, huh?" And I know this because of the look on your faces and how you didn't want to leave. 

I love you, Mom

Boys

REALLY?!

Did I mention our son is TWO now? And that's he's fully aware of it? 

The picture above is an example of what Des likes to do these days, which is mainly to give his mother twice as much to clean. He had gotten into the bag of rice in the pantry and gingerly sprinkled it all over the hardwood floor--under the pool table, in the kitchen and also the dining room. After vacuuming forever and hearing dry rice grains flick against the plastic canister, I collected at least a cup of rice. 

Sigh.

What I didn't take a picture of was the dry macaroni I found in the hallway--in front of and inside the kids' bedroom and bathroom. I screamed because I thought they looked like maggots at first...until I heard Aislin say, "Desmond did it." 

Ah.

Now this next picture...is funny. And CUTE!

I honestly have no idea how my kids can sleep where they do! I attempted to move him out from under his sister's bed (and she, by the way, was laying on the floor between her bed and her brother's) because I could imagine him crying at 5 a.m. because he had tried to turn over and couldn't...but Tim was asleep and my belly wouldn't let me get down on the floor to pull Des out by his legs. So he slept there...all night and well into the morning, not waking up until the usual--7:30. 

Oh, and yes, my heart stopped beating when I saw he wasn't in his bed that night and he wasn't laying next to his sister or hiding in the closet! It may have been a really weird place to find him but I'm glad he was just under a bed :)

And, of course, Tim was right...as were all the other men in my family! Baby #3 is a boy :)

If you look closely, it's a very clear picture of boy parts :P

I remember someone asking us what we wanted to have. (Such a weird question, really!) Tim said he already knew it was a boy, and I said I just wanted it to be a girl so that he'd be wrong. This friend's response was, "It's not a competition."
Uhhh...of course it is--when you're married!
I may not have won the guessing game (for which I'm only 1 for 3 anyway) but I'm so excited for this little boy. So excited, in fact, that I drove straight to Babies r' Us after the ultrasound ;)

In the back of my mind, I kept hearing, "Wait until Black Friday! Or at least Labor Day weekend!!" But...but but but...look at all the cute onesies! 

Winding Down

We still get some sunny days and, since summer doesn't technically end for another month, we might as well take advantage of it. All I ask is that it stay cool in my house...because I refuse to buy a fan this late in the game ;)
Yesterday we went to a park down the street from our house...where Aislin was offered her first ride in a boy's car. She knew she was getting in without my consent, so what did she do? She looked back at me and grinned her face off ;) I can only hope this moment isn't repeated twelve years from now!

I will say that the boy was a good driver, maneuvering the car under the big toy without a scratch...but this still didn't impress a certain father when I sent him this pic :P

Today Tim took the kids to a story time event at Barnes and Noble. (Where was I, you ask? I was eating brunch, then taking a shower...after rubbing my swollen feet and ankles.) The kids enjoyed it and Des made a friend who had an equal love of toy trains. I'd say their dad had fun, too, since they came home with a new Sandra Boynton book and a kit for making super huge bubbles! They came home about an hour ago...and have been outside ever since :)

WOW.

Chasing after a bubble in full-force!

Aislin's turn!

This is a lot better than the ones I attempted. In Aislin's words, "Mommy's not good at this."

Good thing no one got my picture ;)